There are days when I think I’m a pretty awesome person. I mean, I smell good, my slipper tan is fading, I can flip an over easy egg - I got a lot of good things going for me. But as my Asian parents told me whenever I came home with an A, there’s always room for improvement. An A is just an A+ that didn’t push itself hard enough. So I’ve been thinking about how I can push myself to be a better person and I came up with a list. And that list was super long so I distilled it to the things I’m comfortable sharing with strangers.
someone who goes for a morning jog
Nothing says “I’m a determined, disciplined person” like someone who goes for a morning jog. It’s the crack of dawn and you’re doing something that requires physical effort so you’re doing two things that defy the laws of fun. I like running and all, but I can count the number of times I’ve gone on a morning run on one hand. It’s just so early and you haven’t had a chance to eat anything so you don’t feel like you have to justify running yet. The only thing fueling you is sheer willpower and the anticipatory satisfaction of telling your barista you did something before even getting your coffee. That’s dedication. Or masochistic. It’s a close call.
someone who grows their own tomatoes
I’m always impressed when people grow their own tomatoes. I don’t know why. We have an herb garden but for some reason it’s not as impressive as tomatoes. The words “You taste that hint of basil? Thanks. I grew that basil” don’t have the same weight as “You like that caprese salad? Thanks. The tomatoes were from my garden. You’re eating the vegetable-fruits of my labor.” Maybe it’s because there’s a little more work that goes into tomato growing. You have to look out for bugs and fend off woodland creatures and put all these things into the soil for optimal tomato plumpness. For whatever reason, growing your own tomatoes seems like an impressive feat to me and I’m super short so I have to find these roundabout ways to be impressive.
someone who’s familiar with classic movies
I’m not good about watching movies but I wish I was because movie references are a semi-universal language of cool. You can bond with a complete stranger over your love of a certain movie and you’d understand 15% more 30 Rock and Community jokes. And it’s even better when you reference classic movies because classic movies have more clout. You wouldn’t judge someone for not seeing X Men: First Class but you will judge them if they haven’t seen The Godfather. It’s probably because classic movies have stood the test of time...or because it’s harder to watch newer movies for free.
someone who has an abundance of musically talented friends
I have some musically talented friends but I feel like if I had a TON of them life would be a super entertaining non-stop jam session. Like I wouldn’t be able to go a week without producing an acoustic cover of a rap song or a short but hilarious jingle about the food we’re eating. Sure it might be annoying after awhile, but the important thing is that it seems like a good time to an outside observer.
someone who reserves money for bums in a separate pocket in my purse
Fun fact: someone actually does do this and that person is Joanna Lewis. She keeps a stash of cash in an easy-to-access outside pocket of her purse so she doesn’t have to root around for it. BECAUSE SHE DOES IT SO FREQUENTLY THAT IT’S A PROBLEM. It takes a really, truly good person to do or even need something like this. And for the record, Joanna does all kinds of crazy nice things like talking to the survey takers at the mall, praying for people when they ask for it on Facebook, and braking for slow-moving pedestrians - even in super busy West Hollywood type areas. So yeah, one of my goals is to be half as nice as she is. But I won’t stop for survey takers. I have my limits.
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