Hi Everyone, this is me and my daughter Lilly. I've collected some of my favorite exchanges for you all to read. These are the kind of discussions you can look forward to when you have a two year old of your own. Sometimes she says the most outrageous things. Sometimes I do. Together, we have a good time.
Context: Lilly running at me with her stuffed alligator. (but in fairness she watches a lot of Jake and the Neverland pirates - so I believe she’s paying homage to the tick-tock crock.)
Lilly: Run, mommy, here comes a cock-gator.
Me: Yep. Ok.
Thought it inspired: What would a cock-gator look like? A penis with a ton of teeth? Or with scales and a tail? All three? I don’t know.
Context: Leaving Lilly’s school.
Me: “Lilly do you like your friends at school?”
Lilly:”No I like chocolate.”
(this kid knows what’s up. Chocolate doesn’t take your shit or bean your head with a toy car.)
Context: After doing my best impression of Louis Armstrong singing “You are so beautiful to me”.
Lilly: “Mommy stop. You are not funny.”
Context: Long day at work, I was tired and I was wearing a cardigan over a dress on a hot day.
Lilly: “Mommy, it’s hot. Sweater?”
Me: ‘Yeah mommy doesn’t want to look slutty at work.”
Lilly: “Ok.”
Me: “OMG what did I just say to you?”
Context: Watching Disney Junior, with a bowl of dinosaur chicken nuggets.
Lilly: Mommy, I want a fuck.
Me: What did you just say?!
Lilly: A fuck for my dinosaur chickens.
After laughing for five minutes
Me: Are you saying “fork”?
Lilly: “Yeah. Sorry.”
Context: Lilly runs into the room, naked. She was wearing clothes five minutes earlier.
Me: “Lillyanna Grace, where are your clothes.”
Lilly: “Sorry, Mommy, they’re off.”
Context: After running out into a parking lot, Lilly got yelled at -pretty loudly- by me.
Lilly: Mommy don’t yell at Lilly. You’re breaking my heart.
Me: Well I’m sorry. But if anything happened to you, it would break mommy’s heart.
Lilly: Ok. You fixed it.
Me: Fixed what?
Lilly: My Lilly heart.
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